Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Confession and Commitment

Hello to everyone,

I have been absent from the community for a while and I wanted to share why. I have an admission; I never told Nina about my blog. 

I started out as an anonymous lurker before eventually getting the nerve to actually comment. Commenting was kind of scary, as if you were about to attend a party with a group of people who all new each other and you were the solo newcomer. It was due to lurking and seeing how friendly and accepting everyone was that made it possible to finally select the enter button for my first comment.

Creating a blog name was the next step and hence “George” was created.  As both a minority male commentor and male spankee it was a slow process of sharing, but I never met a more accepting and caring group and I was made to feel totally welcome. I met new friends with whom I shared comments. What a wonderful place this community where we can talk freely with kindred spirits!

Nina is a very vanilla girl and as such, initially, I was reluctant to tell her about my new found friends because  I imagined she would think the worst and suspect me of indulging in some type of errant, if not deviant behavior. The more involved I got, the more I felt like I was doing something wrong. Not wrong in the sense of the comments or posts, but wrong that if Nina was not an active participant, she should at least be aware. I kept waiting for the “right” time to tell her and it always seemed that for some reason tomorrow would always provide a better opportunity.

A few weeks ago Nina came to me and said she noticed a Gmail log-in on our computer and asked me if I had created a Gmail account so I told her about my blogging. Just as I had suspected her first thoughts were I was into some kind of deviant activity. I explained that this was nothing bad. It was a great group of couples who shared the same desire for spanking and most of the topics discussed on the blogs were non-spanking related. I apologized for not sharing sooner but explained it was because I feared she would think the worst.

We talked for a long while and she was understandably not happy with me for not telling her and I had no argument with that. I explained how it just started slow and kind of gained wings and I just never found the right time to share. I asked her to let me introduce her to some of you and for her to read the blogs but she was not interested.  She said she was just not comfortable sharing our spanking adventures but that she was not going to insist I stop. 

I know that nothing good will come to pass if I have a blog and Nina is uncomfortable with it. She will always suspect the worst, but more than that, continuing would I fear only be a road to future problems. I really feel terrible for not sharing with her in the beginning, so I have decided to take a leave from blogging. It is my deepest hope that she will have a change of heart and want to find out more about this great group. If she does I will be back, but if not, my commitment to our marriage is of paramount importance and I will just have to adapt to life without a spanking blog.

I cannot undo past transgressions but what I will do is make certain not to replicate those mistakes in the future. I believe that God can make something good come from all things and this is no exception. We discussed a lot about what was causing our difficulties communicating and what was causing me to feel reluctant sharing with her.  As a result, we are communicating  better now than in a long time and she is as happy as she has been in ages.

Perhaps I was behaving differently because of her not knowing about the blog and she sensed something was wrong and now that she knows and we talked it was a relief. I know it is for me and I feel a lot better. Anyway, things are really good between us now and I don’t want to replicate any stupid actions like not sharing with her.  I do believe that longevity has a way of making it easy to fall into the trap of just acquiescing to each other, which leads to less talking and less communicating. Perhaps a good lesson for us all?

A very wise man once said to me, all good things must come to an end and so after this post so goes my blog. I have really enjoyed blogging and I plan to leave the blog up after I publish this final post explaining things. I will check back in a couple of weeks for any excoriating comments.

I will miss all the wonderful folks in our community but this is the right thing for me to do. Nina and I really are talking more and things are better than they have been in a long time. 

I thought I would post some pictures to close, I hope you enjoy. Most are from a recent trip to Tortola, British Virgin Islands (do I have a great job or what!)

                                          Caribbean between Tortola and San Juan

                                               Tortola, British Virgin Island

                                                  Landing at Beef Island Airport

                                                        Beach at Tortola,  BVI

                                                    More Ocean at Tortola, BVI

                                             Over Central Mexico at 41000 feet

                                                               I love clouds!

If I don’t ever get back to blogging, I will be forever grateful I had the opportunity to get to know each and every one of you.

Hugs, Blessings and much love,