Saturday, June 29, 2013

This Was The Week That Was

Hello all, what a week!  Although a newcomer to this community, I have been graciously welcomed by everyone.  We are a family and it disheartens me to see the results of some media types who are at best overzealous, and at worst intentionally misrepresenting TTWD. What gets me upset the most is the implication that TTWD and CDD are synonymous.
I’ve had prior personal experience with our beloved media and I can say after my experience, I have almost zero confidence in what they report. However, it is not always the fault of the reporter, as their editor has the final authority and decides how the information is slanted.
I am sure that some couples practice CDD. They quote bible verses to justify their behavior. The problem with that is you cannot pick bible verses that justify your position and then disavow others that you do not agree with, such as cutting off your foot or gouging out an eye if they cause you to sin. Ironically, it is just as easy to use individual bible verses to condemn CDD as it is to justify the practice! 

The Bible is a fantastic collection of individual books that teach us how we should live and how to treat others. It is not an encyclopedia we can use to look up ways to justify our individual point of view.  In Bill Hybels book “The Power of a Whisper” he suggests to know when you are hearing from God, ask five questions:

      1.       Is the prompting truly from God?

2.       Is it scriptural?

3.       Is it wise?

4.       Is it in tune with your own character?

5.       What do the people you most trust think about it?

I do not consider either CDD or TTWD to be scripturally inspired. What I do believe is TTWD is not for everyone, and for those in this community, it is most unequivocally not abuse. Abuse of any kind is horrid and universally condemned by all of us.  TTWD, quite the contrary facilitates improved communication, caring attitudes, respect for each other and above all else genuine love.     

Christians and Christianity today often are portrayed as fanatical, out of touch with reality, well intentioned folks who are clueless about the “real world”. The hype we have read lately with tantalizing titles such as "Spanking for Jesus" only serve to reinforce that perception and I believe this is all just another attack by Satan. The good news is Satan will not win the battle and this too shall come to pass!

Blessings to all…

Friday, June 21, 2013

What's UP?

Hello everyone and happy Summer Solstice!

Communication, or perhaps more accurately miscommunication, seems to be a ubiquitous topic within this blogging community. Since it is primarily a topic of concern, I thought a bit of levity would be appropriate.

Non-verbal communication is far more communicative than any other method. I read we communicate 55% body language, 38% tone, and 7% the actual words!

English language can certainly be confusing and miscommunication will undoubtedly cause things to get all messed up. SO.....speaking of the word "UP", check this out!

"Up" has more meanings than any other two-letter word in the dictionary. Look it up.
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are candidates UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, we brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

 At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing:  A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.  We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! 
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so............

Time to shut UP! .....!

Monday, June 17, 2013

When Troubles are Upon Us

I commented on a post by Susie over at Her Mischief Managed and after some additional thoughts, I decided to opine a bit more about how men and women process emotional issues and how to help each other when troubles are upon us. 
When I say troubled, I do not mean when the car won’t start or our team just lost the big game (although that is trouble…...LOL).  It’s those emotional times when we feel helpless and alone.  The catalyst may have been not getting a long awaited job, or thinking the love of your life has grown distant and daily communication has become more of a mis-communication.  Maybe you believe you let either yourself or someone else down because you failed to be all you promised to be. Or perhaps it is just one of those days when life is getting the better of you and you are feeling blue.         

Men and women have physically different brains. Women benefit from estrogen in their brain development. Estrogen builds synaptic connections, which allow the logically oriented left hemisphere to work in unison with the more visually oriented right hemisphere. This is a feature omitted for the male. Males must generally learn to function with their dominant hemisphere in contrast to womens' brains, which utilize both hemispheres simultaneously in their thought processes.

Since men only use half their brain at a time  they focus on issues one at a time, then formulate a plan. After doing so, they are ready to act (no comments needed here thank you).

Seriously though, for me (and I think most men) when we are emotionally troubled we retreat to "the cave" to be alone with our thoughts. I know that is opposite of what most women want because the women we love try to help by wanting us to “talk about it”. However, that only causes us to go deeper into the cave, because talking is a distraction to men in this condition. We need to be alone in the cave in order to focus 100%. After our thoughts are processed, we exit with a plan of action.

As difficult as it is for a women, the best thing you can do for a man in his cave, is let him be. After he emerges, he will be ready to discuss things, but not before. When he does, listen to his plan, join his team, and be encouraging. Give it a few days before you suggest any improvements or modifications, because he has worked everything out in his head and adding additional ideas will only make him retreat into the cave again. More importantly, by initially accepting his plan, you provide validation, and that will energize him more than you can imagine!  However, if/when the plan needs refinement, after a few days, offer your ideas and he will listen. 
Women, on the other hand, are excellent mental multi-taskers using both halves of their brains simultaneously.

With multiple thoughts swirling around, verbalizing their thoughts is the technique that allows them to organize and prioritize all their ideas into an order that makes sense. It is as though each thought is an individual piece of a puzzle and verbalizing those thoughts is the way to bring the big picture into focus.

The best thing a man can do for a woman is to just listen and not try to fix anything, which is just as difficult for a man to do, as it is for a woman to not talk to him about his thoughts.  So while he is in his cave, talk to other girlfriends about your situation. They will totally understand and have the patience to provide the support you need to process your own thoughts and ideas.
TWD creates intimacy and oneness, but during times of emotional distress, men and women have to heal before they can resume a semblance of normalcy. Depending upon the situation, that can take varying lengths of time. However, the old cliché “Time Heals All Wounds” really is true.

No matter who you are or where you live, life will occasionally throw us a curve. However, the good news is that in any relationship with a strong foundation, after life’s trials and tribulations are suffered and conquered together, the bonds that bind us only grow stronger.  


Blessings to all,


Thursday, June 13, 2013

Something to Make You Smile

 Hello blogland! Enjoy.
IMAGINE YOU ARE AT A PARTY....YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING......(not that you would...) AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM.... You open the door.........


Three things that were sent to me that made me laugh.
#1 One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went fishing.

#2 A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband  said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."

#3 Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of Chardonnay."

Blessings to all!


Friday, June 7, 2013

My Love, My Life, My Roomate

Do you ever seem to be living “apart” in your household each of you doing your own thing. Is TTWD an attempt to be more connected? If so, does it seems as though it works at times and other times not so much. A confusing and very frustrating situation indeed, leading to lots of “why’s” and “what next” questions making you want to throw your hands into the air and scream.

Hopefully without sounding too presumptuous, I would like to share something that I learned from folks far more intelligent that I ever will here goes.

Men and women are very different creatures (duh, like that is a giant revelation!), and what motivates men is different and many times opposite from that which motivates women.

In the beginning of any relationship things work very well because at first the man cannot do enough for his beloved, to heck with living life, he has only her in his thoughts. As a result, her needs are not only fulfilled, but are overflowing. She in turn has become the singular object of his affection for which to protect and provide, filling his needs to the brim.

After time living life becomes a necessary priority. He begins doing fewer of the little things that made her feel cherished. Her needs are unfulfilled and she starts feeling taken for granted. However, because they are still in love and want to please the other, she decides to take action. It is human nature to do for others, the things that you would like done for you. So the women tells her man how much she loves him and gives him little gifts and things that she would treasure if done for her. The man notices and decides it has been too long since he did something nice for her so he goes out and does something big, like buy her a new car or take her on a nice vacation to show his love.


What he doesn’t realize, is that girls keep score differently than guys. For guys a new car or vacation should count as 100 and fill her needs for several months, but to her it counts as 1, just the same as if he brought her home a flower and a nice card (OK maybe not exactly one for one here, but you get the idea). Her needs are fulfilled and she is happy. Then a little later her needs begin to re-surface. He interprets this as her being greedy and ungrateful and thinks, what is her problem? I did all this for her and now she wants more; causing him to do even less. As a result, her needs bucket becomes depleted, and the problem escalates. She cannot understand why he is acting this way because she has shown her love for him in so many obvious ways (to her but not to him). He appears ungrateful and unloving.

The irony of this situation is that even though they both think the other is not giving and is being ungrateful, in reality, they are both giving; just giving things in a manner that fails to meet the needs of the other. As a result, they each feel angry, frustrated, confused and very unhappy. Life is not joyful.

We are all created with a need to connect with another human and form a union, and I realize this is a generalization because all people are different. Some women behave more like men and some men behave more like women. However, after we have found the love of our life, and living life finds a way of interfering with that magical bond that binds us as a couple, what do we do?

Enjoy TTWD for what it is and what it does for you in your own special way, because it definitely creates a connection, albeit temporary. However, I was once advised by wise counsel to recall the things that attracted us to each other after we first met and fell in love, and then start behaving just as we did then.

If you can do that, I predict that the living “apart” but in the same household will soon become a distant memory, because understanding each other's individual needs, and filling those needs each hour, day, week, month, and year, is the Rosetta Stone of relationships.

Blessings to all.