Friday, May 17, 2013

Nina and I and TTWD

I wanted to provide a bit of an introduction an how I came to be writing this today. I was a lurker for while and then thanks to a persuasive member of this community, whom I have come to think of as a new friend, I created an ID and then finally a blog of my own.

I have found a commonality with the spirit of this community and I have learned a lot from reading the amazing blogs. Interesting how we are able to communicate so freely about things that would otherwise be held close to the vest IRL. I hope to be able to add a few ideas occasionally, but I suspect that I will get more than I am able to give.

I know very little about blogging and never anticipated I would be here today. I plan to just speak about things that are on my mind and hopefully on occasion be a bit entertaining. So onward we go!

I am George, 62 years old and a pilot who gets to fly a beautiful jet airplane all across the USA with occasional trips to Canada, Mexico, Bahamas and Central America.
I have been married to Nina, the love of my life for 36 years and we have two beautiful daughters who are both out of college. It has not always been easy but we manage to always work things out and land on our feet. We are strong Christian believers but try not to be too judgmental of others.

We have been incorporating spanking in our marriage for over three decades with some interruptions due to life happenings such kids, tragedies, and aging parents that seem to take precedence.  I am the HoH, however, I am the one who asked to be spanked. It has been a fascination of mine for as long as I can remember. Nina is very vanilla but also understanding and has adapted quite well. I get stress relief from the spankings and also for fun and playtime, but nothing else.
I am not sure how I fit into the whole scheme of things in this community, but then I never have seemed to fit any mold all of my life. I am an incurable romantic and refuse not to enjoy life and all it has to offer.

I chose George for the character in the movie North By Northwest, George Kaplan. He was the fictional character created by the government in the movie and I liked both the movie and Cary Grant who was mistaken to be George.
I wrote the following before I created this blog, so it is not new to some of you, but I thought I should post it on my own blog.  It expresses my thoughts about TTWD.


God created man and woman with spiritual, emotional, and physical needs. We are like a jigsaw puzzle with a few pieces missing. We fill our spiritual needs from God, our physical needs by the bread we eat, but the only place our emotional missing piece can be satiated is when we connect with the love of our life.
The number one thing men need from a women is to be needed.  Men are protectors and providers and a woman cannot say thank you for fill in the blank with an action verb, too much.  Men want to be Don Quixote’s and slay dragons for their Dulcinea’s.  I will tell you a secret about men. When you need to ask for something, say “would you” instead of “could you”.  You will find that you get much better results. 

Women on the other hand, need most of all to be cherished. A man cannot tell a woman “I Love You” too many times.  Every women needs to be reminded time and time again that she is special and loved.
What is your favorite fairy tale? I suspect that you will say Snow White, or Cinderella or perhaps Rapunzel. Did you know that there are fairy tales for women and also for men?  Ask your HoH his favorite fairy tale and most will answer Jack and the Beanstalk. So what has all this to do with TTWD? It is all about meeting our emotional needs.

Fairy tales allow us to vicariously express the emotions of the characters in the tale and it makes us feel better. We cannot explain why we feel better, but after the story we just are much more at peace. An emotional need has been met. I think that for those of us who practice TTWD, we have found a way to fill in a large piece of our emotional jigsaw puzzle.
Spanking provides an intimate connection, not unlike making love, which binds HoH and TiH in a special bond. Receiving a spanking can make the TiH feel cherished, loved, and protected.   For the HoH, by spanking he is meeting the needs of his TiH, and knowing that he is the only one from whom she seeks this special attention, makes him feel like the great protector he longs to be.

I read in many blogs where the TiH strives to understand their feelings about spanking in order to communicate with their HoH. However, they find it difficult to express themselves because they really don’t completely understand why it makes them feel the way they do. Communication is a good thing. However, in this case, it is like trying to understand why a fairy tale makes you feel better. Instead of trying to figure it out, it is best to accept and admit that the reason for needing to be spanked is because it makes you feel better, it makes you closer to your HoH, and it keeps you connected in a positive way!
We are all different and what works for one may not be right for another. What is important is that we do what is right for us at the time. What we do today may be exactly what we do for years, or it could be TTWD will evolve into something different and totally unexpected.

Importantly, I want to add that TTWD only works where there is mutual love and respect.  If the HoH does not love and respect his partner, then the TiH will not feel like they are cherished and special, and if the TiH does not love and respect the HoH it can generate anger and ill feelings between them. 
For those of us who incorporate TTWD in our relationship, it can be a fantastic and rewarding method of filling our emotional needs and promote a life filled with love, respect, and joy.

The road will not always be smooth, because trouble seems always to find a way to interject itself, but TTWD can strengthen a relationship creating bonds that trouble cannot sever.  However, it takes a lot of sacrifice, compromise, patience and effort.  The results though are I promise worth it.

Blessings to all,



  1. Another great post George. Thanks for sharing more about you and Nina. You are so right about ttwd and it being different for everyone. We all read that over and over again, but it isn't until we shake the 'illusion' that this is one size fits all that we can allow it to 'work' for us, or at the very least see the progress we desire.

    I am so very happy you decided to 'delurk' and then start to blog. I am eagerly awaiting your next post.


    1. Willie, Thank you for the kind words. As you know, you are the reason that I am here today (and I am very grateful). Blogging is a lot more fun than lurking!

      Thanks for all you do,



  2. This is such a insightful post ~ one that I am really moved by since it was written by a husband. Very thoughtful - makes me want to confess that I am often guilty of thinking that it's only we women who give any kind of thought to our relationships - sorry.

    But I think that many of my previous perceptions are being challenged by either the changes brought about or revealed by ttwd that seem pretty common across the board. And that in itself makes me smile, let alone the benefits I'm experiencing in my own marriage since starting ttwd a month ago.

    Thank you for sharing about yourself with us - you definitely have a place in this community - we want you here.

    :) Cali

    ps: And I like the nickname you chose for yourself!

    1. Hi Cali, thank you for the nice comments. I can understand why you opine men are not as vested in relationships as women, because in a lot of situations that is very true.

      In any HoH/TiH couple the woman is usually very strong willed and passionate and if required could easily take care of herself. This strength of character is very attractive to a HoH and nurtures a great respect for her. Respect in a realtionship generates value, and anything of value is worth working hard for.

      DD/TTWD provide a couple with shared goals and solid commitments for improving their relationship. We strive for a life fullfilled vs a life filled full.

      Things provide transitory pleasure, however, a committed relationship will satisfy our longings forever.

      Many blessings,


      P.S. Glad you liked my nickname!

  3. Hello George. It's so nice to meet you :) I've found this community to be wonderfully accepting of everyone, no matter their individual style of TTWD. I think that's one of the greatest things about blogland. I just discovered your blog today and I'm so glad I did. I really look forward to reading more about you and Nina. Being married 36 years certainly means you two are doing something right!

    Oh, I love to travel. How exciting that you get to pilot a jet all over the country! I remember as a little girl getting a glimpse of the pilot and co-pilot while at the airport. I always thought they were so handsome in their uniforms and I had such a crush on them, lol.

    I love your take on TTWD. I know I have spent a lot of time trying to understand why I need this type of relationship. I think it's great advice to just let it be. Some things just are and maybe the trying to explain it all would ruin the magic of it anyway.

    I'll take your advice and replace *could* with *would* and see what happens. There is no doubt that you're spot on saying that women need to know we're loved. All the time.

    Thanks for sharing this with us George. I'm looking forward to reading more insights from the HoH perspective.

    1. George, I see you live near OKC. I sincerely hope you and yours are okay! Please let us know that you are safe. My thoughts and prayers are with Oklahoma.


    2. Yes George, please let us know how you are. Thoughts and prayers with and for the people of Oklahoma. Hoping that you and your loved ones are okay. <3

    3. Queenie, Thank you for commenting and welcome to my blog. I hope that I can be of interest or at least somewhat entertaining on occasion!

      I agree with you about this wonderful community and how nurturing it seems to be. Nina is a great lady and how she has put up with me for all these years is a credit to her tenacity. But we still enjoy each others company so we are good for the duration.

      TTWD really is magical isn't? It is certainly not logical, yet it provides such positive results that I think magic is a very good description.

      Let me know how the experiment goes with "would" vs "could". I will be interested to see what happens.

      Thanks for the concern. It was and is a tragedy what all the damage nature can do. I was driving today and saw a railroad trestle destroyed among the other sights that are hard to believe.

      Thanks again and blessings to you my new friend.


  4. Hi, George :) I loved your post and hope that you have many more to share! I think you offer wonderful insight from the HoH perspective...I know I am always eager to understand not only my end, but his end of DD/TTWD as well. It's a great adventure, and I have no doubt, you have much insight to offer us as you have been doing this for many years. I am just a beginner, and I know I can learn from you. Welcome!


    1. Marie, Thanks so much. I am glad that you like what I write. I think we can all learn a lot from each other, although I admit I probably do have a slightly different perspective. Hopefully, different in a good way!



  5. Hi George! :)

    Thank you for your kind reply back again the other day! :) I have been doing some work with a deadline, so have been a bit remiss when it has come to blogland. I am trying hard to catch up. I enjoy it so! :) I hope to straighten out my thoughts regarding your fairy tale post, and move forward with a post that zones in on the things that my brain has been tossing around. I say it a lot but - good stuff! :)

    I love reading your posts! :) You've mentioned the "would you" vs. "could you" thing before and I was, and am intrigued. Now you have kindly reminded me. It will be interesting to see what the differences are. I will make an effort to put it into practice.

    We all do ttwd every which way, and that is perfectly okay. It has been life changing in many ways around here. Rob and I are certainly into the throes of it all, and we are in a great place as we move towards our 25th anniversary next month. Sounds like you and Nina have experienced the same in your own way. A wonderful thing! :) And I agree- we should just accept that this works, and enjoy the ride.

    I look forward to visiting here in the future! Hugs!

    <3 Katie

    1. Katie, first congratulations for the 25 years. Today that is becoming quite a milestone! I look forward to reading your post after it is done. I understand about getting busy, so no problem on responding.

      Please let me know how the "would you" vs. "could you" works and maybe I will write a post about the psychology behind it.

      Thanks for asking about us re: the tornado. It was so tragic and I feel so bad for all those that suffered, especially those that lost children.

      I am glad that things are working for you and Rob. Always remember that life is a journey not a destination, so keep on enjoying the ride. Hugs back to you,


  6. George,
    So nice to meet you here in blogland! I love your simple and beautiful description of ttwd. Thank you for this post!


    1. Elisa, Thank you so much, it surprised me how easily the words flowed.

      Though relationships are complex and always evolving, I suspect at times we try to make more out of things than they are. The irony here is that indeed there is a lot more to it psychologically, yet just like fairy tales, it is best not to understand it in order for the magic to work.

      Most men are far more simple-minded than women! I believe that is why men try less to figure things out, which I have also discovered is an irritant to the women they love! LOL



  7. It is so true how much my husband needs to be needed. When I ignore that most important piece of him he pulls out all the stops to get me to pay attention. I never used to understand that--I could handle everything on my own. LOL George...I really couldn't and I love my very daily hero who gets to roar in and make my world as wonderful a place as he possibly can.

    1. Hi Susie. Your husband is a lucky guy that you realize this. Sounds like y'all have a great relationship! However, I suspect you are being modest regarding your abilities to handle things. Keep on letting him be your hero though because we love doing that for our "damsels in distress"!

      Blessings to you both,