We all have heard of 20 year marriages that are divorcing and ask what the heck happened? I know I did. We wonder, why after being together for so long are they calling it quits? I did some research and read a book called "Open Marriage" published in 1972 by Nena O'Neill and George O'Neill. I found it to be very interesting and I do recommend it.
Women in the USA of pre World War II times had very restricted life choices. It has been sarcastically stated that we all live by the golden rule; "those that possess the gold make all the rules"! For ages, men certainly made all the rules and girls were expected to grow up to become wives and mothers. Then as men were conscripted into the war, jobs that were previously for men only, became by necessity available to women.
After the war the men returned home and the women were expected to return to their place as the homemaker. During the 1950's women found themselves with a husband, a home, children; essentially everything that their mothers told them they could ever want, but yet something was missing.
This lead to the sixties and a revolution that challenged the establishment.
The women's movement gained momentum and slowly daughters now had an opportunity to choose professions other than an nurse, secretary, teacher, librarian, or any other traditional role for women.
So what happened? We are attracted to other individuals. We see someone who possesses qualities that intrigue us. They make us laugh, have similar ideals and beliefs, and slowly we find that this other individual is someone we want to be with 24/7. So we decide to get married and start our lives as a couple.
In any Hollywood movie of the times, a marriage ceremony was concluded with the words "I now pronounce you man and wife". Everyone has heard it and it sounds very natural to our ears. But what if instead of Man and Wife we substitute "I now pronounce you HUSBAND AND WOMAN". Weird sounding, no?
What was happening after the marriage vows, was the women was expected to play a new role called "wife". Which meant she was to take care of the household duties and then hopefully 9 or 10 months later start taking care of the children. So the happy couple evolves to a life with the wife taking care of all the home duties and the man providing for the family. Then 20 or so years later, the kids moved out and the man and woman find they have little in common. They are simply two individuals sharing a house together. A recent movie "Hope Springs" with Merryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones exemplifies this situation ( BTW, I am a huge Merryl Streep fan).
The essence of "Open Marriage" is that we fall in love with an individual and we must remain individuals with our own likes and dislikes, and continue to grow as individuals if we want to have a long lasting relationship. We must each contribute to the relationship or we face the possibility of falling out of love. It is not only OK to be our individual selves, but it is essential!
How does TTWD fit into the scheme of things, or does it at all? At first glance, isn't being submissive not just another "role"?
First and foremost the women who are being submissive do so by choice! They are strong willed, opinionated ladies with minds of their own who can take care of not only themselves, but all the multiple scenarios that life can throw at them. However, I read time and again after committing to a submissive relationship, how it opens up freedoms for them to be who they are, like they have never experienced before. Communication is enhanced and a bond is created with each person committed to the betterment of the other. The two really do become one!
HoH's and TiH's share a love and respect for each other because of who they are, not what they are, and that is the key for any successful relationship. The individual person they fell in love with has only become more interesting and more fun to be with today and tomorrow and the future holds positive and exciting dreams.
The mass of the population will never understand the irony of how TTWD can be liberating. They will not understand the excitement and adventure we share. That's OK, for everyone must find their own destiny. The important thing is always be true to yourself, continue to grow as a person and share the essence of who you are with a kindred spirit.
Blessings to all,