Friday, August 23, 2013

Love and Marriage

In the previous few weeks I attended two weddings. Both were beautiful affairs with lots of love all around, each couple vowing to be true to each other “til death due they part”. I will be attending another, more personal wedding this October of my own daughter, so I have been preoccupied with thoughts about love and marriage lately.

We all have said I love you, I love that movie, I love to dance, I love my mother, I love Italian food; one word but vastly different meanings. “Love” is a ubiquitous topic in this community. I observe lots of love shared here, given freely and sincerely. That is one of the reasons why I so enjoy this community. It is comforting to hang out with so many loving individuals who are genuine in their concerns for others.
I search the net and found the Greek language uses four words for love.
Eros is the type of love we are all familiar with. Our English word Erotica is derived from the word Eros. Sadly, some people never get passed this type of love and base their relationships purely on sexual attraction. Erotic love is not a deep meaningful love, but superficial and based on sexual attractiveness only.
Storge is what we find in families between the different members. It is the love of mother, father, brothers and sisters. This is a much stronger type of love and involves commitment. “Blood is thicker than water” and most people will do all they can to stand behind their families.
Philia is pertaining to what we might call a brotherly love. Not brotherly in the sense of family, but in the sense of kinsmenship. This is the type of love that makes us want to watch out for our fellow man.
Agape is the highest form of love there is. This is an unconditional love for others in spite of their character flaws and weaknesses. It is a difficult love to obtain simply because we, as humans, are usually concerned more with ourselves and how the world and people around us affect us.
I asked myself, why do we get married? Divorce rates sadly, are very high. Various studies on the US rate of divorce show the marriage breakup rate in the USA for first marriage is 41% to 50%; the rate after second marriage is 60% to 67% and the rate for 3rd marriages are 73% to 74%!
What kind of love are we “in” when we either ask or agree to be someone’s soul mate? When we are young, I am inclined to think it is primarily Eros. I was talking with a blog friend recently who said her father suggested the man she marry should be her best friend. She said she didn’t understand until years later.
Girls are almost unanimously captivated with weddings. They dream about their wedding day from the time they are little.

I know my own daughter is certainly having a wonderful time planning hers. We (fathers) spend enormous amounts of money on weddings.
Yet, with the odds stacked against us, why do we do it? What makes us believe that we will be the exception to the rule and remain soul mates forever? What makes dad’s like me willing to spend thousands of dollars for a single celebration for their daughters.
Love lifts the human spirit to otherwise unachievable heights. We write songs and poetry about love. Love makes us believe the unbelievable and see goodness in others that no one else can see. When we are in love, we walk with a special swing in our step and a smile on our face because our hearts are overflowing with joy. Armed with the power of love, we boldly go forward regardless of the odds.
The popular 1965 song “What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love” is still true today. Yes indeed, love is the answer! (and yes, I did grow up in the sixties!)

Peace and Love,


  1. Hi George, very nice and interesting to read about the different kinds of love. Thank you for sharing :)


  2. Roz, Thanks for commenting. Some days I really miss the 60's. Guess that's a sign I am getting old!


  3. It was my roommate's father....but no matter *wink*

    Very interesting read, as usual George. I have no doubt your daughter will have the wedding of her dreams this year!

    love, willie

    1. Thanks Willie, I should have remembered but I have slept since then (best excuse I could come up with)!

      We are less than 2 months from the big day! Thanks for the positive vibes....I need all I can get. LOL


  4. I love (lol) your thoughtfulness George - this was so interesting to read and it made me smile.

    I love (sorry - can't help it) the comment about marrying your best friend. That is some of the best advice that can be given to any single person who looking to get married.

    And what a blessing it is for those of us who have the privilege of saying that we ARE married to our best friends. :)

    I hope that your daughter's wedding goes beautifully and that you can enjoy it without too many tears. (I only say this because I know what an intense emotion it is for many fathers.) Have a lovely day!


    1. Cali, wow, you are so right about emotions. I have to admit, I cry every time in the "Father of the Bride" movie. Both my girls have had me wrapped around their fingers since the day they were born! I think I will be OK, but then again.....I will let you know in about 2 months!


  5. Those statistics get worse all the time. :( For the Duke and I, we did some real planning before marriage to really do the best we can to give ourselves a shot at lasting.

    I weirdly was not one of those girls that dreamed of weddings. I dreamed of marriage. I'd often sit down with the Duke and ask him if we faced such and such a situation, what would it look like, and how would we work together to work it out. It was after talking about an especially hard topic just months before our wedding when he looked at me with an almost shocked look on his face. "I didn't always understand why you were different. But you don't care about the wedding, you want the marriage."

    I don't know what others do, but we took an extensive premarital counselling course with our pastor and his wife. 2 hours of homewoork a week and 2 hours of counselling session for 12 weeks. Whenever someone asks about taking the course, and hears 24 hours total, they freak. I just tell them, a days worth of hours to possibly make your marriage last a life time. That usually puts things into perspective. :)

    And we have God, and I really believe if we keep Him first, which isn't always easy, but we try, then hopefully if we keep working at it, and keep working at it with Him, we can make this thing last. :) The point being, no matter what, we have to be working at it.

    I wonder what type of love it is if you have a physical attraction, married to your best friend, with unconditional love? ;) Do they have a term for that? ;)

  6. Es May, Thank you for such a thoughtful comment. Nina and I also attended pre-marital counseling from our church. My daughter and her finance have also done so and I think it helps, even when you are so in love that you cannot imagine a need for it.

    Marriage is hard and you are so right when you say we always have to work at it. I agree that we must try keeping God first in all things, but especially in marriage! Wonder why we at times decide to go it alone? Thankfully, God never gives up on us!!

    Re: your last question, I would say you have found your soul mate and are as close to heaven on earth as you will get!


  7. This is lovely. It's delightful to read about additional person who comprehends that nuptial is primarily about love as sacrifice, as the road to heaven for you, and your husband (which is never going to be easy, but will always be rewarding). Thanks for the reminder that the little acts of love for another do impart the love of Christ...occasionally it's easy to forget that.Russian women for marriage